Friday, July 30, 2010
Not sick.
So, I haven't posted for a while. But I'm not sick anymore. And, Scott still has his job. For now. He went to quit and everyone there kinda talked him out of it, telling him that they couldn't let him do that and that he's like family. He's been working there for 7 years, so they've all known him since he was a teenager. But the job think is kinda sorta maybe temporary. He just doesn't know. The whole thing is on egg shells. So, the plans for November are still up in the air. Which kinda sucks. And I'm also having some issues saving money. I always have. And just as I was getting somewhere with my savings, my computer starts freaking out. So I'm going to get a new one. Which is pretty much going to wipe out the savings I have. Which sucks. But, we're both determined to see each other this year. I have faith that something will work out. So yeah. That's kinda life right now. Well, no. Not really. There's lots of other layers of stress and such. But I'm not going to get into it. :D
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Sick.
I'm sick. Right now it's just some head cold, but when I get sick my body has a funny way of making it into something else by the end of it. So we'll see. As of right now, I can't stop sneezing, my head is congested, and my throat hurts. I really wish I could stop sneezing because when I do it's like raking knifes down my throat. I really wish that Scott could be here to hold me and take care of me. I could use the company and the comfort. I think he's having a hard time being away from me when I'm like this too. Especially when we go on webcam and he can see how sick I am. Hopefully this will pass soon.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Now what?
Scott quit his job. The garage he used to work for was closing. He could have moved to a different garage with a different boss, but he couldn't work with the new boss. So he quit. Life was already stressful, but I had our trip in November to look forward to. Now what? Even if he gets another job soon, they probably won't let him have that much vacation time that soon and he won't have enough time to save enough money anyway. He's telling me that I shouldn't write it off yet and that we still might make it. But I don't see how. I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of hopelessness.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Need to get a new background...
I need a new background for this blog. When I picked the current one, I knew it would be temporary but I haven't gotten around to finding a new one.
We're still working on getting everything together for our trip in November. The biggest obstacle right now is him getting his name change legal and getting his passport. His name has always been a bit of a question mark. He had taken on both his mom's and dad's last name because his dad was a big loser. So on some documents it's one way and on others it's another way. So yeah. Lots of confusion there. So he's going through the process of getting his name figured out. Which isn't that big of a process. He's just waiting for a phone call then he can go sign the paper. Then he'll send his passport papers out and then once he has his passport he'll send the money for the hotel and we'll start booking everything.
As my feelings for Scott have grown this... tension, I guess is what it's called, has also grown in my mind. It's this big knot of stress that is always there about if he's safe, when we'll be together, if he is going to be able to move here anytime soon, if maybe he is growing weary of keeping up a long distance relationship, if he having a bad day, wanting to be with him to comfort him and take care of him, and on and on and on the list could go. I've always been a major stress bomb so this isn't really a surprise. But the tension is starting to leak into my body. My shoulders are always tense. My forehead is always creased. My muscles are getting sore. And I know that I need to get a handle on this because it's only going to get worse. It feels like my body is aching and trying to pull me towards where ever he is. I know that sounds ridiculous. But just the thought of him holding me and rubbing my shoulders makes my body ache. *sigh* The woes of long distance.
Yeah, I know this post is super random. But I need to blog more. And I didn't really have anything planned to say, so I just let myself ramble. That usually produces something of value and fills up a blog. So maybe letting myself ramble will get me to post more. We'll see.
OH! P.S. Only four months until our trip!! Ahhh!
We're still working on getting everything together for our trip in November. The biggest obstacle right now is him getting his name change legal and getting his passport. His name has always been a bit of a question mark. He had taken on both his mom's and dad's last name because his dad was a big loser. So on some documents it's one way and on others it's another way. So yeah. Lots of confusion there. So he's going through the process of getting his name figured out. Which isn't that big of a process. He's just waiting for a phone call then he can go sign the paper. Then he'll send his passport papers out and then once he has his passport he'll send the money for the hotel and we'll start booking everything.
As my feelings for Scott have grown this... tension, I guess is what it's called, has also grown in my mind. It's this big knot of stress that is always there about if he's safe, when we'll be together, if he is going to be able to move here anytime soon, if maybe he is growing weary of keeping up a long distance relationship, if he having a bad day, wanting to be with him to comfort him and take care of him, and on and on and on the list could go. I've always been a major stress bomb so this isn't really a surprise. But the tension is starting to leak into my body. My shoulders are always tense. My forehead is always creased. My muscles are getting sore. And I know that I need to get a handle on this because it's only going to get worse. It feels like my body is aching and trying to pull me towards where ever he is. I know that sounds ridiculous. But just the thought of him holding me and rubbing my shoulders makes my body ache. *sigh* The woes of long distance.
Yeah, I know this post is super random. But I need to blog more. And I didn't really have anything planned to say, so I just let myself ramble. That usually produces something of value and fills up a blog. So maybe letting myself ramble will get me to post more. We'll see.
OH! P.S. Only four months until our trip!! Ahhh!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Somedays...
Somedays you feel the sting of absence that comes with a LDR more than usual.
Somedays you have to fight back tears when you say goodbye.
Somedays you feel so hopeless you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Somedays are harder than others, but for every someday there's most days.
Most days you feel so happy you wonder what's keeping you from floating right up into the clouds.
Most days you wonder how you could ever be so lucky as to find someone so wonderful.
Most days you feel a happy glow thinking about the next time you'll be with them.
Most days are happier than somedays, and as difficult as it can be, I'll push through the somdays to keep the happiness that comes with most days.
Somedays you have to fight back tears when you say goodbye.
Somedays you feel so hopeless you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Somedays are harder than others, but for every someday there's most days.
Most days you feel so happy you wonder what's keeping you from floating right up into the clouds.
Most days you wonder how you could ever be so lucky as to find someone so wonderful.
Most days you feel a happy glow thinking about the next time you'll be with them.
Most days are happier than somedays, and as difficult as it can be, I'll push through the somdays to keep the happiness that comes with most days.
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