One year

I need need NEED to update about our trip, but I just wanted to say; We've been together for a year! Holy smokes! I love him so much and I'm so excited for our life together.

He's gone.

We said goodbye today. I feel like I've been ripped apart. Being with him was amazing. More amazing than I could have imagined. I won't see him again until next summer. Right now I'm struggling a lot. I feel lost and so lonely. Once I start feeling a little better I'll do a re-cap of the trip.

Here's a picture.

He's on his way...

YEAH!!! He waiting to board his plane from England! And it's about damn time. We've been waiting for this for so long. My emotions are in over drive. I don't know if I should laugh or cry or throw up. I'm all packed and ready to go. I'll be waking up at about 3:45 AM *gag* for work. And then straight after work I'll go to the airport, where he'll be waiting. :) I should describe more about how I'm feeling and such, but I'm so overwhelmed. I think I'll leave it at that for now. I'll be sure to report how the trip went though.

Wish me luck!

Less than a week... 6 days!

We're in the final countdown. We'll be together in 6 days. I have a "calm before the storm" thing going on right now. It all feels really surreal. I'll be packing in a few days. And then it'll be time to go. We met a year ago as of yesterday, the 7th. I can't believe how much time has passed. I can't believe how far we've come. I just want to hold him. I hope this week goes quickly.

Feeling a little sad...

Things are still amazing and I'm still extraordinarily excited for out trip (which is 11 days away :D ) but I had a little break down today. Skype had been giving us a lot of troubles the past few days and communication has been tough. This morning it wasn't working again and I broke down. I hate the distance. I hate that there is seemingly no end in sight. I hate that we have to rely on something so thoroughly unreliable for communication. I know that I'll be seeing him very soon, but then we have to say goodbye. And then we'll be back to this, and it will be worse because now we'll know what we're missing. I just want to be with him.

Sorry for the sad/hateful post. I really am happy and I am really really excited for our trip. It's just been one of those mornings and I needed to rant about it for a moment.

Two weeks!!

Only two more weeks until we meet for the first time!! Everything is ready to go. He's getting money changed over into dollars this week. I can't believe it's only two weeks away. Two weekends. I can't wait to lay on his chest and hear his voice resonating inside, his arms wrapped around me, his lips pressed against my forehead. Only two more weeks. :)

25 days.

25 days. I can't believe I'm meeting him in 25 days. I don't think I'll believe this is real until I get to the airport. I'm so excited and so nervous.

I just can't wait to finally know what it feels like to be wrapped in his arms, to feel his breath on my neck, to feel him between the palms of my hands. Real, tangible, alive. I can't wait to be able to say good morning without touching my computer. I can't wait to share our first hug, first kiss, the first time we look into each others eyes with nothing to say, the first "I love you" whispered into an ear, the first night next to each other, the first picture together, and, yes, even the first goodbye.

We'll part from each other with memories and an idea of what life will be like when we're finally together. We'll part knowing every contour and expressioin of the others face, we'll know the texture of the others hand and how it fits with our own, we'll know the heat of the others lips and the feel of our bodies next to each other. We'll part knowing what life with the other is like, instead of just the view from the other end of a webcam.

The last stretch

In one month it will be the 14th of November. The day before I meet him. Everything is booked. All that's left to do is countdown. I'm getting really excited and really nervous. The anticipation is exciting... but it's been so prolonged... I just want to meet him. We've been planning this since 5 months ago. We started the countdown at 160 days. And now we're at 32. The days are moving quickly now. I'm excited! I can't wait to finally be in his arms!

Time is winding down!

Time is winding down quickly now. Only 46 days! We're both so excited to meet each other and spend time together. I need to figure out what I'm going to do for luggage and get a few last minute things. And I need to book the hotel >.< I wish this could have been done earlier, but it will be done by the end of next week.

Life is still awesome in general. I love my job and Scott and I have found ways to still be we each other every day even with the time difference and both of us working full time, so that's good.

We're getting close to the one month to go mark and I have a feeling that counting down the last month is going to fly by. I'm nervous but so excited! I can't wait to be able to say good morning without turning on my computer. :)

2 months!!

2 months from today I will be meeting Scott for the first time!! I'm so excited! He also got his passport in the mail today!

:)

We booked our flights!!!!

He is leaving England early in the morning (6:30 am) on the 15th of November. He'll fly to Paris and be there for a few hours *jealous*. Then he will make the very long flight to Salt Lake City, Utah. He will arrive in the early afternoon.

I will be getting off work at about 1:30 pm. I'm going to go straight to the airport to meet him. Our flight doesn't leave for a few hours after that, but it will give us a chance to meet for the first time and get all the mushy emotional stuff done without rushing to our plane.

We will then fly to California, arriving in the early evening.

On the 23rd of November, we will fly back to Utah really early in the morning (yuck). Then we will drive to see my grandparents so they can meet him. Then come to my house so that he can meet my family. We'll hang out for the evening and play games or something probably. Then we'll go to a hotel for the night.

The next day, we're going to drive around the city so I can show him around a little. His flight home leaves around 5:00 pm. So I'll drive him to the airport, with enough time to check in, and watch half of my heart walk away to be 5000 miles apart again.

Red Roses

Today I received a surprise delivery. My step mom answered the door and brought it up to me. She knocked on my door and said I think you have an admirer. She knew who it was from, but still. Scott had called a flower company here and had 3 beautiful red roses sent to me in a vase along with a teddy bear and a balloon that says "I love you". He just did this "Just because" I've never even received such a gift from a boy in the United States! He is so amazing! Here's pictures.

Plane tickets

So as I stated in my last post, we can now afford our vacation in November. However, there was one last thing that could potentially stop us; my work telling me I couldn't go on Vacation. I spoke to my manager though, and he said we could figure something out and it wouldn't be a problem. Woohoo! So Scott has sent his passport papers and as soon as we find out he's approved, we're going to book our flights. We've found flights that will bring him through Salt Lake, so we're going to be flying to California together. I'm so excited! I just want to get the flights booked so that it will feel like it's really about to happen. After we do that, we'll book the hotel and start looking into what we'll be doing in California. It's less than three months now until we leave. :D

Busy

Life has gotten busy. I got promoted to supervisor at work, which is good, but definitely takes away from my time with Scott. We're adjusting the best that we can. We've found ways around international texting/calling rates, so at least we have that now for when we can't be at the computers. Along with my promotion is a pay increase, and that means great things for me and Scott. That means that we'll be able to afford our planned trip in November to California! I'm excited! He's getting his passport in the next couple weeks, and then we'll both book our flights! We both desperately need to meet. Our relationship is wonderful and thriving, but I think that in order for us to progress any further, we need to meet. We've been together for 8 months now without meeting, and it's been tough business.

So yeah. Life is busy, but it will pay off. :) Only 89 days until November 13th.

P.S. I'm not sure if I ever posted this, but Scott found a new job before the old garage went under. So he's working at a new garage. Yay for not being unemployed!

Not sick.

So, I haven't posted for a while. But I'm not sick anymore. And, Scott still has his job. For now. He went to quit and everyone there kinda talked him out of it, telling him that they couldn't let him do that and that he's like family. He's been working there for 7 years, so they've all known him since he was a teenager. But the job think is kinda sorta maybe temporary. He just doesn't know. The whole thing is on egg shells. So, the plans for November are still up in the air. Which kinda sucks. And I'm also having some issues saving money. I always have. And just as I was getting somewhere with my savings, my computer starts freaking out. So I'm going to get a new one. Which is pretty much going to wipe out the savings I have. Which sucks. But, we're both determined to see each other this year. I have faith that something will work out. So yeah. That's kinda life right now. Well, no. Not really. There's lots of other layers of stress and such. But I'm not going to get into it. :D

Sick.

I'm sick. Right now it's just some head cold, but when I get sick my body has a funny way of making it into something else by the end of it. So we'll see. As of right now, I can't stop sneezing, my head is congested, and my throat hurts. I really wish I could stop sneezing because when I do it's like raking knifes down my throat. I really wish that Scott could be here to hold me and take care of me. I could use the company and the comfort. I think he's having a hard time being away from me when I'm like this too. Especially when we go on webcam and he can see how sick I am. Hopefully this will pass soon.

Now what?

Scott quit his job. The garage he used to work for was closing. He could have moved to a different garage with a different boss, but he couldn't work with the new boss. So he quit. Life was already stressful, but I had our trip in November to look forward to. Now what? Even if he gets another job soon, they probably won't let him have that much vacation time that soon and he won't have enough time to save enough money anyway. He's telling me that I shouldn't write it off yet and that we still might make it. But I don't see how. I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of hopelessness.

Need to get a new background...

I need a new background for this blog. When I picked the current one, I knew it would be temporary but I haven't gotten around to finding a new one.

We're still working on getting everything together for our trip in November. The biggest obstacle right now is him getting his name change legal and getting his passport. His name has always been a bit of a question mark. He had taken on both his mom's and dad's last name because his dad was a big loser. So on some documents it's one way and on others it's another way. So yeah. Lots of confusion there. So he's going through the process of getting his name figured out. Which isn't that big of a process. He's just waiting for a phone call then he can go sign the paper. Then he'll send his passport papers out and then once he has his passport he'll send the money for the hotel and we'll start booking everything.

As my feelings for Scott have grown this... tension, I guess is what it's called, has also grown in my mind. It's this big knot of stress that is always there about if he's safe, when we'll be together, if he is going to be able to move here anytime soon, if maybe he is growing weary of keeping up a long distance relationship, if he having a bad day, wanting to be with him to comfort him and take care of him, and on and on and on the list could go. I've always been a major stress bomb so this isn't really a surprise. But the tension is starting to leak into my body. My shoulders are always tense. My forehead is always creased. My muscles are getting sore. And I know that I need to get a handle on this because it's only going to get worse. It feels like my body is aching and trying to pull me towards where ever he is. I know that sounds ridiculous. But just the thought of him holding me and rubbing my shoulders makes my body ache. *sigh* The woes of long distance.

Yeah, I know this post is super random. But I need to blog more. And I didn't really have anything planned to say, so I just let myself ramble. That usually produces something of value and fills up a blog. So maybe letting myself ramble will get me to post more. We'll see.

OH! P.S. Only four months until our trip!! Ahhh!

Somedays...

Somedays you feel the sting of absence that comes with a LDR more than usual.
Somedays you have to fight back tears when you say goodbye.
Somedays you feel so hopeless you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Somedays are harder than others, but for every someday there's most days.

Most days you feel so happy you wonder what's keeping you from floating right up into the clouds.
Most days you wonder how you could ever be so lucky as to find someone so wonderful.
Most days you feel a happy glow thinking about the next time you'll be with them.
Most days are happier than somedays, and as difficult as it can be, I'll push through the somdays to keep the happiness that comes with most days.

Long distance love song...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2AHsfytKoE

"But darling... save the last dance for me"

I used to dance competition ballroom. Every single boyfriend I've had hates to dance. I would always try to trick them into dancing and sometimes try to bribe but it never happened. I've always thought it would be so romantic to be with someone that would pull me into a dance at random moments with or without music.

Scottloves to dance. He thinks ballroom dancing to old music (Frank Sinatra and the likes) with someone you love is wonderful. He has taken ballroom classes before, so he even knows how to do it right.

We're looking for resturants in the Anaheim, CA area (where we're going to meet this November) that have ballroom dancing. If anyone has suggestions, that would be awesome.

Just thinking about dancing with him gives me butterflies. I can't wait. :)

This is crazy!

So, I posted the post about meeting in November at work earlier today. I got home around 8 pm and he was awake to talk to me (it's like 4 am his time... yeah... he goes to sleep early so he can wake up early and talk to me, he's just that awesome.) So we start talking and now we have flights picked (not yet booked just in case something comes up and changes the dates a bit) and a hotel picked. My head is spinning. This is really happening. And he's not the kind of guy to change his mind about something he's set on. He's just as desperate as me to meet so I know that this is definitely happening. My hands are shaking. I'm nervous and excited and happy and anxious and so many other things. This is crazy!

LFAD

I'm part of an online forum for people in long distance relationships, and I post blogs up there more often than on here, so I'm going to copy/paste some of those blogs over to here and TRY to post here more often.

Is this really happening?

We've set a date to meet.


Yeah. I'm freaking out. We're going to spend 11 days in California. November 13th. 5 months from now. I kinda wish it was sooner, but at the same time I'm wondering how I'll ever be prepared to meet him in only 5 months. We're not really making big plans for the trip. We just want to spend time together. So we'll just go out to dinner and go to movies and such. Maybe a trip to Disneyland, but we're not sure. We started looking at hotels today. We're kinda splurging on the hotel since we'll probably spend a lot of time there.... Get your mind out of the gutter. We just want to spend time together; cuddle and watch movies. That kind of thing. Geez.

For anyone that hasn't guessed yet, we met online and haven't met in person yet. We've been together for 6 months, this month. Several people have said they're shocked it lasted that long without meeting. I don't know why that's so shocking. We're in love, of course we're still together after 6 months. Sure, it sucks to be so far from him, but I would rather be with him like this than not at all. There's not a doubt in my mind that this relationship can go the distance. I fully intend to marry this man. And he fully intends to move here and make it happen. I read other peoples blogs about second guessing and all that, and I wonder why I haven't felt that yet. Neither of us (as in me and him). We've never had a "rough patch" where we considered breaking up. We both know that it might be easier for the other person if we loved someone else that was closer, but there's nothing we can do about that. We love each other. What's the point in entertaining ideas of breaking up when you know that you won't find someone else that you love this much? I'm not trying to say that our relationship is better than anyone elses, I just wonder sometimes what it means that we haven't experienced that.

Anyway, I think I'm rambling now. I'm just so excited that this is really happening.

^_^

Gift #1





To practice "My woman skills" while I'm at work. He's such a punk.


Gift #2




"Just for fun". I'm actually kind of excited to try this game.


Gift #3



All I can say about this one is HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!


Gift #4



Another gift to "Practice my woman skills" *rolls eyes*

Gift #5



The gift box...



The ring box inside the gift box...



The ring in the box...



My promise ring!! It's so perfect and beautiful. I love it! He says it's a promise to come here to be with me as soon as he's able. :)

Update soon

I got Scotty's package on the 17th, but then I went on vacation and I haven't had time to put together pictures and stuff to put up here. I'll get it done soon. It was great. :) He's such a dork but such a sweetheart.

Packages!

Today me and Scott sent each other packages and letters. Customs wasn't very nice about what we could send. I couldn't send him the spray cheese (inside joke) or my perfume. But I sent him an AC/DC t-shirt (another inside joke) and a personalized engraved necklace. I'll post pics after I get the package he sent me. I'm so excited!

Irritable

I've been super irritable the past few days. And I know that I'm irritable and that there's no basis for my anger, but I can't help it. And I just want to be able to have Scott hug me tight and tell me that it's okay and that he understands. He can tell me that now, but it's not the same without the hug. I need to hug him. I need to be able to cuddle up next to him and complain about being a woman. I need him to kiss me and tell me that I'm beautiful and that he loves me. I want to be able to cry on his shoulder when life gets tough. I hate this distance. I know that there are always problems and annoyances in non-long distance relationships, but I would much rather deal with them than this distance.

Wishing to comfort...

Today Scott went to the cemetery to see his mothers grave site. He came home feeling down and lonely. I could tell something was wrong pretty quickly. I don't know what it is about being in a close relationship with someone, but you just have an intuition about their emotions. I wish I could be there to hold his hand while he was there. And hold him close after so he doesn't feel so lonely. I wonder if he's thought about the fact that if he moves here, he won't be able to visit her anymore. He'll have to give so much up to move here...

Introduction

My name is Jordan. I have a boyfriend that lives in England. I know what you're thinking, "Wow! An English boyfried?! That's so hot! I bet he's totally romantic and stuff". Yeah, pretty much. He's every fairy tales dream come true. He is completely devoted to me, his accent is uber sexy, he writes me poetry ^_^, he's funny, charming, and witty, and he's tall (6'5"), dark hair, and bright blue eyes (the baby blue kind with long, thick lashes). So yeah, perfect. One problem; he's 5000 miles away. We have plans to meet, and he intends to move to the states to be with me. But until that time, we have the internet and skype to keep us connected. However, using the internet as your only means of communication is difficult at best.

So, I've created this blog for a couple of reasons. I want to document this difficult but important time for us, and I want somewhere to release my thoughts and frustrations about our situation.

Until next time,
~Jordan